Day 5 of single parenting, and I have decided that I would rather be a Las Vegas showgirl than a single mother.
I can’t believe I just said those words.
And to all the moms and dads out there who do (or did) this single parenting thing full-time, all the time: you are amazing. *salutes [...]
Negotiations with the now 4-year-old to help her stay motivated to do her business in the toilet have moved her parents to take desperate measures.
We’re not exactly offering cash incentives. Yet. And, why do I get this feeling I should hire a lawyer to help me negotiate a fair deal with her?
The current [...]
The 3-year-old has been crying all day, suffering with painful constipation. Her cries are so pitiful. The words she uses to express her frustration and her hurt are like the sharpest barbs, and I take each one as a stinging reproof of my not being a good enough mom.
She finally passed out, exhausted with the [...]
First Draft:
I apologize profusely for being late for work this morning. It’s the 3-year-old’s lion’s special book’s fault.
*blink*
OK, here’s the long story: I frantically jetted out the door at 8:30 this morning to go to the post office to send a package to my mother for her birthday, PLANNING to be home in time for [...]
Every morning, my two year old seems to have less hair on the left side of her head.
She’s pulling it out, a comfort/coping mechanism she has developed that grew out of, I’m sure, a lifelong habit of playing with my hair and her own, especially when tired or facing some emotional/developmental challenge or period [...]
Cremora isn’t just coffee creamer.Cremora is the magic pixie dust of creativity. Cremora is great for giving your stuffed animals showers.Cremora gets sticky when wet.Cremora, when swept up, takes off into the air in clouds.Cremora when breathed in makes you cough like an asthmatic.Cremora doesn’t like my vacuum cleaner. Cremora comes in handy, bulk sizes, [...]
I just realized something.
ALL I TALK ABOUT IS SHIT!
Either I am eternally 12 years old, or my life stinks, literally.
Gone are the days when I’d write incredibly erudite papers on literary criticism, or when I’d write articles to be published in high-circ travel/tourism magazines and newspaper inserts.
Now, my writing is full of [...]
We get home from swimming at the Y, making it home after a hellacious thunderstorm. The dog, of course, peed on the floor. In the office. Right there <– actually.
I put a big thirsty towel over the pee (BIG dog. BIG bladder *sigh*) and danced on it for a minute. Then, I filled the [...]
My 16-year-old hand-held mixer has gone lame. It has one foot in the grave…err, one beater in the trash. This mixer has helped me create every brownie, every waffle, every cake, since my junior year in college. One side of the mixer isn’t working, and the other is making strange whirring noises and smelling of [...]
I knew it was going to be bad when the three year old stopped me at the top of the stairs and said, “Don’t go downstairs” and then disappeared.
I’d darted into the shower, after, of course, hiding all sharp objects, flamethrowers, and the Desitin. I figured I could escape for a few minutes, get a [...]
