Day 5 of single parenting, and I have decided that I would rather be a Las Vegas showgirl than a single mother.
I can’t believe I just said those words.
And to all the moms and dads out there who do (or did) this single parenting thing full-time, all the time: you are amazing. *salutes [...]
Today, I am full of fail. But I can’t blame anyone but myself. I must exude fail today, like a musk, and everything that encounters my failstench has to make with the bashing. Or something.
The morning routine does not go well. Both girls fight getting out of bed like ferocious nocturnal things. I had [...]
Oh, how I hunger for a well marbled hunk of beef carcass, grilled to medium rare, topped with an inch of boursin and dropped on to my plate. And butter on my bread. My mouth waters at the thought.
My gall bladder sucks big stinking monkey balls.
I’m back on the fat-free diet in my increasingly rather [...]
First Draft:
I apologize profusely for being late for work this morning. It’s the 3-year-old’s lion’s special book’s fault.
*blink*
OK, here’s the long story: I frantically jetted out the door at 8:30 this morning to go to the post office to send a package to my mother for her birthday, PLANNING to be home in time for [...]
I have the cutest, grooviest little gadget I never saw myself owning: an iPod Shuffle. My mother bought it for me after the theft of my briefcase (with laptop and mp3 player inside) to cheer me up. I can fit all the songs from every CD I ever bought with my own money on this [...]
Really, what’s better to keep a sick kid occupied: 1. put her in front of the TV with a box of Kleenex, or 2. bring her to Krispy Kreme and ply her with red-and-white sprinkled Donuts?
The answer: OMFG, what kind of parent are you? NEITHER!
Eh, screw it. I don’t know about YOU, but I parent [...]
Today, I ventured into Wal-Mart with my brood at prime time for getting an errand done–past the lunch and running amok, and right before naps. I wish that I had, instead, stuck flaming pins into my eye.
Yes, I freely admit that I stepped into a Wal-Mart. A friend of mine who shall remain nameless, although [...]
It’s a difficult lesson to learn, and one that all experienced mothers probably know, but it’s worth repeating: never leave your almost-two-year-old child in the dryer.
Sure, it’s cute when she climbs in there, screaming in delight at the echo, enjoying her little cylindrical fort, which is just the right-size cubby for 24 pounds of giggly [...]
Yesterday was horrible. I awoke feeling sick, and it only got worse. Our friend, Jeff, had stayed the night, having imbibed a bit too much the night previous. He stuck around for most of the day and helped me with the girls. I am so grateful. Thanks, Jeff. You rescued us again!
I asked Allen [...]
Today isn’t the suckingest day that ever sucked, and for that I am grateful. I do, however, still have lingering ickiness, leftover, I’m assuming, from vomitfest 2005, which occurred on 9/24 for almost 12 hours straight. Followed by more bouts of stomach pain in the ensuing 10 or so days. And I’m scheduled for an [...]
