We have entered the duplicitous stage with our 5 year old.

Kelsey has created and daily practices her sneaky, evil laugh. It’s too silly to be sinister. I’m pretty sure she came up with this laugh after watching The Backyardigans episode about Superheroes vs. Supervillains and the Race to the Tower of Power. The bwah ha ha, specifically, perfected by Dr. Shrinky and Yucky Man. Those of you with preschoolers are nodding your heads right now.

Yesterday, both girls were upstairs while I worked on the computer. And I actually overheard the guile-challenged 5-year-old whisper to her accomplice, the 3-year-old, within my hearing range. Note: they were right behind me.

Kelsey: [whispering loudly]: “Keep Mommy busy. Don’t let her go downstairs. I’m doing something. So, just keep Mommy busy.”

Laurel: [also whispering loudly]: “OK” *giggle*

Kelsey: [in her announcer voice]: “Mommy, I’m going downstairs to kill the monsters. So don’t go downstairs.”

I nod, trying to stifle the laugh. I tried to look busy, although work was pretty dead. Laurel then handed me balloons and asked me to blow them all up for her. She’s the crafty one.

I gave Kelsey 5 minutes to complete her nefarious plot, having done the math and decided that glue takes more than 5 minutes to dry completely, as does honey and all sorts of other liquid emulsifiers she could have gotten into. And I no longer fear the Cremora crises, as I no longer use that horrific substance. I do still have some fear about the peanut butter, as it’s tricky to get off the dog. But these days it’s not the older child that I fear around various household disaster materials. Not since she wrote “I love you” on the couch in pen has she gotten up the nerve to do anything too terribly dastardly.

I was able to sneak up on Kelsey, since Laurel gave up on her subterfuge, distracted by balloons. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Kelsey was standing in the living room, on a step ladder, with a handful of squishy gekkos. She gave me the deer-in-headlights look, until she saw my smile. Then she chorteled heartily and let me examine her handiwork.

There were 20 or so gekkos and frogs, stuck to the wall in a straight line, at about the 4.5-foot mark. And three dangling from the ceiling.

I wish I had better control of my bladder at these times.

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