My mother kept a garden in our backyard in New England when I was a girl. She grew parsnips, carrots, tomatoes, and anything else that would sprout in the assortment of funky containers that crowded the shelves in her greenhouse. She’d then transplant the seedlings to the backyard. She would pick the tomatoes early, when they were still green and firm, and put them on the windowsill in the kitchen to ripen. I remember these tomatoes vividly, because they were ugly, and because they tasted like a sweet summer day.

I was in the grocery store, picking up produce for a birthday party we were having for my one-year-old. Have you perused the produce in your local food store lately? I’ve never seen more perfect tomatoes. Each one is a work of art. No weird growths that look like little tumors, no discoloration, no bulbous ugliness. And no taste whatsoever.

I actually read an article lately about companies rebelling against the FTC (yes, the Florida Tomato Commission–I can’t make this shit up!) for their strict standards. I snatched this from the “Santa’s Sweets” site, where the company is fighting to keep its line of ugly tomatoes (Uglyripe) on the market: “…the FTC has denied the exemption… saying the Uglyripe� does not the have the appropriate shape to meet the grade standards. The Uglyripes� were prohibited from being shipped from Florida last winter and spring. We suffered a $2.8 million loss.”

The FTC’s standards only go so far as to legislate appearance, of course. “Growers complain that… UglyRipes could wreck the reputation of Florida tomatoes. To allow misshapen and blemished tomatoes could open the way for a flood of ugly tomatoes to hit the market” (USA Today, 12/9/04). It’s really too bad we don’t have free trade in this nation. Imagine if the market DID open up and all those small farmers could sell their delicious produce to the people who want them. Hell, Florida would probably have to file for bankruptcy….

It doesn’t matter that these ugly tomatoes taste delicious. Style wins out over substance yet again.

I miss ugly tomatoes. I miss taste. I miss substance.

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