The last few conversations with Kelsey, for posterity:

Bob
Both girls have long been interested in the story of my father, who passed away in 1998. We talk about him as though he is present, which he very much is. Kelsey asked me the other day if my father was proud of me. It was a difficult question to answer. I had to extrapolate! But he always was proud of me, and I know he would be today. At the end of our discussion, K said “I miss Bob. I wish I could meet him.” It’s amazing to me how even people not present physically in our lives still take up so much space.

Discipline
Kelsey asked me if we could go to her old school to tell Ms. B that she should stop threatening the kids with “getting on yellow” and be more kind. She was very adamant about this, as I think she wanted to save her former classmates from the trauma of the green light, yellow light, red light system of school discipline. I asked her if she’d like to write about it. I hope her new school next year follows a different system.

Belief
Allen and I constantly try to shift our kids’ thinking away from stuck patterns of thought that seem to be consistent with the traditional paradigm of Christianity they are getting in their schools. I challenge them to try to think in different ways. It’s working. When I gave Kelsey “fairy kisses” on her cheek at goodnight time, and she responded “Fairies aren’t real,” she quickly edited her response to, instead, “It’s opinion that fairies aren’t real,” which, believe me, is a big step. I think it’s working to keep them a little shaken up, so that they don’t equate the things they’re learning with “truth” or what is “real.” Progress is being made to grow children who honor everyone’s beliefs and treat them with respect. Yay us!

Winning and losing
With thanks to K’s soccer coach, we now talk about how one wins at something, and how one loses. We don’t want to go the uber froo froo route of saying “everyone wins, and no one loses,” because, well, competitive sports begin at this age, and I think they are healthy. When she gets mad because she lost at tag (when she plays with the big kids), and I say to her, “Kelsey, how do you win at this game?” her reply is “By having fun. And I lose when I’m NOT having fun.” This lesson is helping in many phases of parenting Kelsey, a competitive child who is also highly emotional. And, really, it’s a good lesson for the overly motivational soccer parents on the sidelines, too.

I think I might do this more often. Some amazing conversations have passed between us, and I want to record them to remember K, version 6.01.

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